Dreams In A Jar

Thursday, March 04, 2004

Tickling my not so funny bone

Well, we are in the computer lab for IPC so im just kina chillin. im hungry bc i didnt eat shit at lunch. *sad face* it is still rainging outside. i need to go talk to mr hanes about my hours. i made them up but they sent me a not saying i still owe them. gay school. ugh. i know i dont have much to sya right now. im kina rambling ot pass the time. i still need to post the thing i wrote in the cemetery. i think if michelle doesnt need a ride home i will go back to the cemetery to kill (lol kill and cemetery haha ironic lol) anyway, ya to pass time before i go in to work at 5. i got paid yesterday. $113 i asked my mom if i coudl at least have a little of my pay check. she said ya. i have to call my cousin and talk to her about taking her son to school in the mornings. hopefully i can get gas money with that so i can use my money form my paycheck as spending money and not gas money. hehe im nice and warm. i have on shanes letter jacket and it is freaking huge but i was cold and no one else had a jacket.
Just read the lyrics to this song I like it....

Brand New Lyrics

Failure By Design Lyrics

Watch you, on the one's and two's.
Through a window in a well lit room.
Become a recluse.
And I blame myself cause I make things hard and your just trying to help.
And when I wake up, your the first to call.
This is one more late night basement song.
And I'm so sore, my voice has gone to hell, and this is one more sleepless
night,

Because we don't believe in filler baby.
If I could I'd sit this out.

(This is over when I say it's over.)
This is a lesson in procrastination.
I kill myself because I'm so frustrated.
And every single second that I put it off, means another lonely night I got
to race the clock.
(I ignore it and it ignores me too.)
What say we go and crash your car?
And every time I leave you go and lock the door.
So I walk myself picking at a chip on my shoulder, I'm another day late and
one year older.
it's failure by design.

And we just want sleep, but this night is hell.
I'm sick and sunk and I blame myself because I make things hard and your
just trying to help.
I got no gas,I'm winding out my gears.
This is one more day on the verge of tears.
And now my head hurts and my health is a joke.
And now I got to stop cause the headphones broke.

And we don't believe in filler.
Baby, if I could I'd sit this out.
(This is over, when I say it's over.)
This is a lesson in procrastination.
I kill myself because I'm so frustrated.
And every single second that I put it off, means another lonely night I
gotta race the clock.
(I ignore it and it ignores me too)
What say we go and crash your car?
And every time I leave you go and lock the door.
And I walk myself picking at a chip on my shoulder.
I'm another day late and one year older, it's failure by design.

I'm out of everything.
No one sleeps until we get this shit out on the shelves.
It's late, I'm faltering.
but this time I got nothing to say besides...
DO DO DO, DO DO DO

Well, peace out y'all. I am off to Geometry. Ugh. Lets see if i can make it thorugh the period. I think ill sleep except that we are doing a review meaning we are just doing a freaking ton of gay ass math problems for an hour just to take up time and say we did something. Peace out y'all!!!

Posted at 12:53 pm by BigAsRunner200
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War, All of the Time

Listening to Thursday..............

THURSDAY LYRICS

"War All The Time"

Standing on the edge of the palisades cliffs
In the shadow of the skyline very far away
A lightning rod that couldn’t pull the storm from me
I was 5 years old my best friends older brother died
He fell from these cliffs
The river washed him away the current pulled him downstream
And our lives float in the headlines, so we parked these cars
Parent’s garage
Listen to the lullaby
Of Carbon Monoxide

War all of the time
In the shadow of the New York skyline
We grew up too fast falling apart
Like the ashes of American flags
The sun doesn’t rise
We replaced it with an h-bomb explosion
A painted jail cell of blood in the sky like Three Mile Island
Nightmares on TV they used to sing us to sleep
They burn on and on like an oil field
Or a memory of what it felt like
To burn on and on and not just fade away
All those nights in the basement the kids are still screaming
On and on and on and on

War all of the time
In the shadow of the New York skyline
We grew up too fast falling apart
Like the ashes of American flags
And we’re blowing in the wind
We don’t know where to land
So we kiss like little kids
We used to be very tall buildings
We’ve been falling for so long
Now your eyes follow the sign on the edge of town
They offer a welcome when you are leaving

War all of the time
In the shadow of the New York skyline
We grew up too fast falling apart
Like the ashes of American flags
The pieces fall it’s like a last day parade
And the fires in our streets start to rage,
so wave, to the people that long to wave back,
from the fabric of a flag that sang "love all of the time"

War all the time War all the time
All of the time
War all the time
War all the time
All of the time
All of the time
War all of the time
War all of the time
War all of the time
War all of the time

Posted at 9:52 am by BigAsRunner200
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A Lightly Black Tinted Pink

So ya, i watched OC. I love that show. After that i called mark to listen to a guitar part he wrote. it was amazing!!! like is had so much emmotion in it. wel then i called amber bc she is upset bc of stuff with her and justin and he is pissing me off and i wish hed be honest with her. well then i called mark back and we talked. it is weird. it really is. he is a friend but i will always care about him. well i went to sleep and woke up and took a shower and threw my clothes for work in the dryer. i took micah to school the whole time having my fingers crossed i wouldnt run out of gas. well then i went over to marks bc we just wanted to chilll instead of going ot first period. i know he still cares and i do to but things just cant be how they were. i know he means a lot to me but i am really happy how i am now. this is how i want it to be but i know that it confuses him and i dunno. lol its life. well now im passin the time in digital graphics bc my movie is finished. well ya know what.........i think ill go now so peace out y'all!!!

Posted at 9:37 am by BigAsRunner200
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Wednesday, March 03, 2004

Bleeding Pink Cotton Candy

I have realized my titles really have deep meanings to them. Perhaps only I understand them but I have become quite fond of writing them. Well after school I picked up micah and michell and i and we all went to mcdonalds then i went to mark's to get my cd's and we talked and stuff and micah and michelle and david hung out. well i dropped michelle off around 5 and went home and got my hair cut. i kept the length i jsut added more layers. after that i went and returned a movie and droce. it was nice. my windows were down and the music was on and i smiled and felt so right. everythign was as it should be. i really am happy. i really am. well i took micah over to marys and stopped at ambers to drop off her clothes and see her prom dress. i think im going with seth to the CTCS prom. well now im talkin to michelle and jackie and mark. well im gonna go watch The OC. Peace out y'all

Posted at 7:58 pm by BigAsRunner200
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Commitment to A Breathing Dragon

Hehe I am having fun with my titles. They are awesome!! Well this morning I woke up and got dressed. I stopped at Amber's on the way to school to borrow some clothes. I look cuteness today!! Well I got to school and got a donut from Chase. Hehe. Chilled and talked to everybody till the bell rang. Fun times!! Well i went to first period and did my geometry homework and read "Silas Marner", the book we are reading in english. I finished my flash movie. It is kick ass. I think today will be a good day. I'm on a good mood. I am so glad it is wednesday because it is that much closer to friday!! woohoo!!! also i dont have to work today. its raining outside but not even that is getting me down!! i think mark it doing better. he really is moving on. i know he is kina having a thing for Jessica dent so im happy for him. i want him to be happy. i told him last night bc we were talking about being jealous of other girls/guys when we were together and i told him i still am jealous, but in a diff way. now instead of o you are taking my bf it is i look at the girls that come up to him and think "are you the girl that is gonna steal my best friend" because that is what mark is. i love to talk to him and be with him he is so awesome, and i dont want a relationship right now im happy being single but he does and i know he will have another girlfriend eventually and i dont want to lose him when he does. i dont want him to quit tlakign to me or hanging out with me bc id be devestated. he assured me that would NEVER happen. i hope so. we broke all the rules you and I, we punked them all!!! Love ya mark hugs and kisses forever!!! Peace out Y'all!!!

Posted at 9:52 am by BigAsRunner200
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Smiling In A Perfectly Imperfect Bubble

So my computer is being gay and I have to edit on the little mini me editor but anyways. The day was interesting. Got into it at C lunch with Tessa. It was rediculous and immature and I find it all rather hilarious. I amover it I really have nothing against the girl, if she wants to fight she will have to fight with herself because I'm moving on lol. Anyway school was good. I was told I look very happy. I took it as a compliment. It is good ot be told you just look happy. Well I talked to Brittany and Matt after school and Michelle. It is cool mark and i are really getting along. He truly is one of my best friends and i still love talking to him and hanging out with him i mean i called him when i got off the phone with amber tonight. so after school i had to kill time till work so i ended up at the cemetery and just chilled and wrote and thought. ill put that in here tomorrow bc i dont have work!! i slept in geometry instead of working on homework bc i figure it is somethign to do during first period tomorrow. well work was easy today i worked with zach and joanna and we all went to walmart after work. i watched gilmore girls and chatted with amber for a bit then called mark. i am really happy y'all. i cant explain it exactly but i just feel free and happy and alive and just like my title everything is perfectly imperfect. peace out y'all

Posted at 12:16 am by BigAsRunner200
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Tuesday, March 02, 2004

Smiling In Pink Smoke

So I went to return the movies then came home and matt had called to see if i wanted to go out to brandons and get my jacket. well i siad ya but i had to go to walmart if he wanted to meet me there. so i met matt and we went out to brandons. i got my jacket and we chilled for a little while. i went home and was just mellow the rest of the night. i took a shower and ran up to crow's to get murger and fries and a choc milkshake. i ate and blow dried my hair and went to sleep. i was out in like a second! well i woke up and got dressed and took micah to school. i talked to brittany when i got to school and then went to first period. i think we are camping out at her land this weekend. it'll be tight. i got paid today! im gonna ask my mom if i can have a little of my paycheck. well im still working on my flash movie. its pretty good. this day is good. its really nice outside. i have a spanish test and an IPC test and i need to finish my geometry homework. *sigh* well peace out y'all

Posted at 10:06 am by BigAsRunner200
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Monday, March 01, 2004

Yawning Butterflies

So I realizee I haven't edited my blof in a few days, but I have had a lot going on. So Friday I talked to Mark on the phone till about 4 AM and everything is good. He apologized and knows he was a jerk and just everythign is ok now. Well Steph and I woke up around 7;50 and had to get dressed at hyper speed to get her to SAC and me to help at the track meet. Well it was cold but we were doing well. It was so weird. I have never been to a meet and not run. I wanted to hop up there in a lane so badly when the 200 came around. Well around 1:30 i went to work. i worked with micah for a while till zach came in at 5. it was a good day. we werent busy so we just kina goofed off. So im dying my hair blonde and marrying micah, or so he says lol. Anyway, i got off work and went home. i called to see if anyone was doing anything but they werent. well later mark stopped by just to say hi but we ended up like talkin and it was cool to just have him as a friend. we kina made out a little. but hey friends with benefits is ok. well anyway i wwent to bed after that. i woke up around 2 sunday morning and just layed around. i watched Uptown Girls. it was cute. my mom made a homemade pizza and it was good. later i went over to ambers to get the oc she copied for me and we ended up goign ot justins. i took her over there so she could see him. well we chilled there for a while then i took her home and called mark to see what he was doing and he was at aj's along with the other people i called but no one really must have wanted me there bc no one ever invited me. well i ended up callin matt and went over to his house and chilled and he showed me some stuff on guitar and then we came bakc and chillled and watched tv at my house. well then he went home and i was gonna go to bed but he called later and asked if i wanted to go chill at his friend brandons house. so we went over there and hung out and watched a bunch of episodes of Family Guy and i put the moves on Brad or well his name is Ben but i call him brad just bc he looks like a brad, but anyway. matt and i left around 4:15 and wheni got home micah said mark called so i called him back and he told me about his night and he asked what i did then he asked if i made out with anyone and i toldh im ya and i know it upset him. well then i feel asleep. i woke up around 10:30 this morning and got dressed and made a lunch my mom wanted me to take her at work. well i dropped that off with her then was gonna go have lunch with amber at CTCS bc they have school today but ended up going to marks to talk to him and chill. well i was over there about and hour and a half then i stopped by work to see the new schedule and when i work. i work tomorrow thursday and friday of this week. so not too much. o girls got first in the meet saturday and guys got third. i miss it. *sad face* i realized i left my jacket at brandons and i talked to matt so we may go over there later and chill and ill get my jacket and eric called to see if i wanted to go chill but he had to go do something so that was scratched so now im chillin and talkin to marks lil bro and ponderin whether or not ill clean my car and remebering i have to go return videos to hollywood video well the phone rang and it was mark he had a missed call from my ho use but it was from earlier well i talked to him for a bit then cleaned up the kitchen and saw that i got kicked off the internet so now im reconnecting and im very hungry lol. well i guess that is it for now. i need to take a shower and wash my hair later. well thigns are good now they are really good!!!!!! peace out y'all!!!!!!

Posted at 2:16 pm by BigAsRunner200
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Saturday, February 28, 2004

Lapsing Desire

So after school I kina drove around and stopped at a park and got out and sat on this bridge and just kina wrote some thoughts. I cleared a lot in my mind and walked away feeling air in my lungs and smiling and with my chin up. Well i went to work and micah and zach were on my shift. stephanie came around 7:45 and waited for me to get off. well then she and i went to walmart and hollywood video and rented Uptown Girls and Thirteen and The Order. Well stephanie is dying her hair and im just chillin. we started watching The Order but got bored. we are gonna get in bed and watch Thirteen. the day was good. im rather exhausted. tomorrow we are getting up and steph is going to sac and im going to help at the track meet. steph is meetin me after she gets out of sac and we are chillin at the meet till i go to work at two. i really do know so much now after that short time in the park and i can breath and smile and just know and that is so awesome. peace out y'all.....lol not quite sure about the title of my entry it just kina came to me not sure why

Posted at 12:28 am by BigAsRunner200
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Friday, February 27, 2004

Sweet Insanity

Well ya. Got to school right at the bell was ringing so I didn't have time to go to the student center but I heard we had ANOTHER fight. If we have anymore we get to go home!! WooHoo!!! Well I went to first period and did stuff for coach to get ready for the meet tomorrow. It will be weird going to a meet and not runing in it. I may be tempted to grab a juniform and jump in a race lol. Well, I then went to second period and have been working on my flash movie. Fun times. Third period we are going to this presentation thingy for Black History Month so that's cool. I have work after school. Hopefully we won't be as busy as we were last night.

and too much has happened, too much has occured...too much to say it's all ok. thorns can be pulled out but the wound still remains, pain. bc forgetting isnt easy and bitterness...... its hard for me to let go. grey builds on grey till you are left with black and it makes it hard to find the way back.....a slight tear, easy to disguise. not really, those are lies.......a wound hurts no matter what you do and things that are broken remain broken. bc even though they are back in one piece, it is a mask. bc there still had to be the presence of glue. so get away from the thing that causes the pain you feel and hopefully, one day...the wound may heal...........

Peace Out Y'all

Posted at 10:10 am by BigAsRunner200
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